What's in a Name?

.....Notoriety, for one, along with identity issues and inner turmoil on the whole "Who am I? What's my purpose in life?" subject.

I had a foggy brainwave at 6am this morning that perhaps I should avoid using the real names of my friends (or nemeses) for their protection and to save them any future embarrassment - who knows what crazy shenanigans of theirs I might write about?

So for the ease and entertainment of the reader, I will list and briefly describe some key figures which may appear in this blog using pseudonyms as follows:

• The Artist: Along with Biceps, the Hyperactive Chef and Princess Panda, we have known each other for over 10 years. Usually the last person to arrive at the dinner table (this role has now been taken over by me, since he relocated to China) and to finish any food remaining on others' plates.

• Biceps: When I look at him, all I see are his biceps. For real! A Thai advertising executive with a wonderful voice who doesn't eat spicy foods.

• The Chicken Vet Spaniard: He's a Spanish veterinarian specializing in poultry with seemingly endless amounts of energy for absolutely everything. The main object of his culinary (and female) obsession is all-things-Japanese.

• The Consultant (aka the Boyfriend): He's British, tall and loves stripes, as well as Liverpool FC. His present occupation is that of a senior telecoms consultant for one of the "Big 4". Drinks almost everything except sambuca and hates anything with aniseed flavours.

• The Dominatrix: Raised in New York but now suffocating under the rule of her traditionalist parents, she's my sister from another mister (and mother) who takes out her frustration by baking cupcake delights, knitting shawls and making fun of her boyfriend, the Wingman.

• The German: Another part of the live entertainment at the table whose skill is complaining about anything and everything loudly with a strong German accent. He makes excellent baguette sandwiches.

• The Hyperactive Chef: Small girl with unofficial diagnosis of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) imposed by her friends and recently opened a restaurant whose chief specialty is mussels.

• King Johnnie Walker Kong: Eurasian People-Connector with a knack for bringing people together through the modicum of alcohol, particularly whiskey or vodka (helped by his present occupation in Diageo).

• The Litigator: She's a lawyer in the daytime and opera performer at nighttime with a special skill for hosting crazy pool parties.

• The Luxury Yachter: Among other things, she sells luxury yachts and loves alcohol of any kind. Connoisseur of wines, and an expert at getting home safely despite having no memory of doing so.

• The Master: Taiwanese future CEO of a public company listed on the Thai stock exchange (disguised as a carpenter) who is usually the only guy who participates in Girls' Nights Out. A burger expert and a master on the barbecue.

• Pitti Moon-Language: Korean-Danish Enterpreneur who wishes he was Thai and pretends his real name is the Thai equivalent of this pseudonym. An excellent host, chef and connoisseur of all things gastronomic due to former work experience in hotel management and personal interest.

• Princess Panda: An only child of a French father and Thai mother who loves panda bears and has a keen eye for detail in restaurants due to former training in hotel management school, and chocolate desserts due to personal interest.

• The Radz One: The live entertainment at the table who makes us all laugh and keeps us amused with her "widely-eyed and constantly surprised at her own inappropriateness" face. Claims to have given up eating beef after going to Nepal or India, but no one is convinced, since she also said she quit smoking and I'm pretty sure she still does it...

• The Stalker: Don't get me wrong, this is an affectionate nickname. Out of everyone on the list, I'm sure he's eaten at more of Bangkok's Best Restaurants listed by Tatler than almost anyone else, with the exceptions of Pitti Moon-Language and UN Kitty.

• The Wingman: An expert on tea (with emphasis on chamomile tea) and loves to tell extremely silly jokes which for the benefit of the doubt, we all presume would be funnier in his native Dutch language.

• UN Kitty: She "works" for the UN but I suspect she spends more time shopping, looking and feeling glamorous, brunching, lunching, dining and generally being a socialite around the city of Bangkok - I'm SO envious.

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**Kindly note that this list may be amended from time to time, as friendships are added, renewed, discarded, forgotten or banned, depending on actual circumstances.