Goodbye Thailand: Public Nose-Picking

This is the first of my “Goodbye Thailand” series, which I mentioned in my post published April 25, 2011. One thing I will most certainly NOT be missing when I leave Thailand is the common practice of public nose-picking.

Sit on any form of public transportation or watch your peers in a meeting room. Nose-picking can happen at any time and anywhere, and done by anyone regardless of age or status. In PUBLIC. 

How did this become common practice in Thailand? And on that note.... Why did it become common practice at all, anywhere?

Let’s back up for a moment. Let’s remember why people need to pick their noses at all, at any time. The nose contains mucous membranes which constantly produce wet mucus to remove dust and pathogens from the air flowing through the nose (which such air then goes to your lungs, bringing oxygen, without which you would die). A nose normally contains plenty of cilia (sensory organelles which are bunched together and look like wavy mops) which work to move the mucus towards your throat so you can swallow it. Sometimes, the mucus doesn’t stay fluid enough to be moved by the cilia; it dries and becomes stuck. Hence the activity of nose-picking, defined by Wikipedia as “the insertion of a finger (or other object) into the nose with the intention of removing dried nasal secretions”.

My online research has revealed that nose-picking has been around since forever. Our supposed ancestors in the primate family (think gorillas and chimps) regularly indulge in such behaviour. Search on Google and you’ll find a plethora of pictures as I did (I would upload them, but I don’t want to be sued for breach of copyright).

Here’s an example:

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhnCTdTl6eQqULTyLojsa7q1uBobd4luBnPxDSLRA5Fu43BUIL9yD-PCtdA1H00-B5FzbIj0do-RjLdpxd-RA8KQwM9lskZrZipuGnC6iWFdSi_AIlrZ_BKhtNrQhbZsW_I19nAWOvMCM/s1600/picking+nose.jpg

Apparently, the wealthier Egyptians loved this activity so much that they even sought nose-picking assistants. According to this website (whose accuracy I cannot verify myself, but I assume this could be true):

http://jubal.westnet.com/hyperdiscordia/nosepicking.html

"....this position was highly coveted by lesser landless nobles as well as the peasantry. It was not uncommon for counts to give visiting dignitaries the honor of their own personal mucous, and no prince was unmoved by the prospect of being allowed to slip his pinky into the nostril of the king. A table has been uncovered, too, which, on its underside, bears the distinctive marks of trailing boogers having been scraped off."

That’s all well and interesting from a scientific and historical point of view, but in today’s times, why does this need to be in public? 

In addition to noting this should-be-taboo-activity on the subway, on the skytrain, in a taxi, in a restaurant, etc., I noticed my clearly senior colleague and clients doing this during a serious business negotiation session. It took all the concentration in the world to prevent me from laughing and/or retching. I wasn’t quite sure which response was more appropriate. I also noted that my level of respect for them dropped by about 99.8% just then. I’m sorry, I just can’t take those guys seriously, and here’s why:

1. Their health: Have you looked around Bangkok and seen how much dirt there is everywhere? Those dudes were sticking everyone else’s nasally treasures up their own noses too! Aside from diseases one could pick up by sticking one's pinkie finger up one's nasal cavity (with that extra long pinkie fingernail specially kept for this purpose by many Thais), the picking itself can lead to nosebleeds, perforation of the nasal septum or in very rare cases, infections which spread to the brain.
2. Post-Picking Activities: So once they had completed their nasal excavation, what do you think they did with their finger’s findings? If it wasn’t smeared all over their trousers, it’s highly reasonable to guess that they savoured the taste of it!
3. My hygiene: Now that you’ve dug up your nasally treasures, no you may NOT borrow my pen or pencil or ruler or look at my phone. Get away from me, Public Nose-Pickers! In addition, the fact that it’s such a common activity makes it impossible to avoid being forced into contact with possible nasal treasure dump sites such as BTS poles and door handles.
4. Paradox: Generally, Thai culture dictates cleanliness to rule one’s home and one’s body. That’s why everyone showers at least twice a day, never brings their shoes inside the home (or leaves the shoes at the door), and every toilet comes with a spray bidet alongside. Why then, is this utterly unhygienic behaviour of public nose-picking considered acceptable?

To all Public Nose-Pickers: If you don’t spray your derrière with a spray bidet in public, then why do you pick your nose in public? Seriously?!

I just don’t get it and probably never will. In western countries, this has become quite a taboo to engage in such activity in public and I wish I knew how that happened, so I could start a campaign here. I don't understand why it is too difficult to resist the compulsion to pick one's nose in public and wait for a more suitable and private time such as in the comfort of a bathroom where one can blow one's nose into a tissue paper. I know that famous politicians occasionally make this blunder too (a quick search for "Barack Obama picking nose" yields several pages of results) but Mr. Obama is in a country in which everyone can poke fun at his nasal excavation and have the right to do so, morally and legally.

In the meantime, I will just to turn a blind eye to noses and long pinkie fingernails and think of the other things I will be missing from Thailand. More in the next blog article! Thank you for reading and stay tuned <3

The Parisian Engagement

In Paris on 12 April 2011, the Consultant made me an offer of spending a lifetime together and it was simply too good to refuse. So I (presumably, he is too) am now happily engaged and am very much looking forward to being married to him within this year!

Most people know this since we both updated our Facebook relationship status’ and I have continuously been Facebook-updating about this. If you weren’t aware until now, you were probably 1) dead; 2) too busy checking your Facebook followers; or 3) too busy in the offline world (i.e. with real life, doing real things) to notice.

For those of you who are curious to know how it happened, I will have to admit that it was not entirely a surprise as this is a topic that has been discussed for some time between he and I. However, the moment and location was an unexpected delight.



Day 1: Enjoying le View from le Bateau sur la Seine.

We arrived in Paris Gare du Nord on Monday 11 April 2011 and as we had both been frantically rushing to complete our work prior to taking holiday, we had nothing planned ahead of time save for the Eurostar tickets, hotel and a booking for the show “Désirs” at the Crazy Horse Cabaret. In atypical fashion, our arrival was punctuated by getting lost and a lot of wandering around not knowing where we were going. We did however have a lovely afternoon boat trip on the Seine River which I would recommend to anyone who is going to Paris for the first time.

Those who know me well can attest to the fact that I am, to put it lightly, a control freak about organising every single stop of my journey somewhere. Therefore, for our second day in Paris, we planned our day’s itinerary taking into account the gorgeous sunshine peeking in through the hotel’s curtains, as follows: a simple breakfast near the Louvre, a leisurely stroll through the Jardin des Tuileries, a wander through the Louvre Museum, an afternoon snack at Le Crêperie Josselin in Montparnasse (reputedly one of Paris’ best crêperies), then back to the hotel to get ready for the dinner and show at the Crazy Horse.

So off we went and of course... nothing went as we had originally planned.

First off, breakfast was nowhere to be found in the form of coffee and croissants. Not that this was a real issue because we ended up eating at Le Nôtre on Avenue des Champs-Elysées. The Consultant had an excellent tomato and mozzarella tart and my ‘salade farandole’ consisting of lettuce, tomatoes, mushrooms, parmesan cheese shavings and marinated artichokes was satisfyingly delicious and light.



Additional note: Our waiter there was probably one of the best of all the waiters we encountered in Paris, which on the whole, stinks of crappy waiters. Sérieusement, Parisian restaurants have the worst waiters I have ever encountered, worldwide. They seem to just not care whether or not you are in their restaurant.

 At the Jardin des Tuileries, we sat and enjoyed the beautiful atmosphere for approximately 5 minutes before realizing we were both shivering in our sunglasses and winter jackets. Also, have you ever noticed how cold weather makes you need to urinate more often? So then it was time for toilet-hunting.

The temperature was cooler than we looked. How was this possible?

We discovered a discreet entrance from the Jardin des Tuileries into the Carousel du Louvre which led to 1) me queueing for a posh bathroom for 5 minutes, 2) paying €2 for usage thereof, AND then 3) some crazy French woman totally cut the queue as I finally got to the front after 5 minutes! Rude! Ça ne marche pas du tout!

Did you know that the Louvre is closed on Tuesdays? We found out while we were THERE on that Tuesday. An admittedly negligent oversight on my part.



The chocolate tart and éclair from Maison du Chocolat (inside Carousel du Louvre) together with my Yellow Moment of pretending to touch le Pyramide did make our journey to the Louvre worthwhile afterall.

 After navigating the map of le Métro and Googlemaps on his Blackberry, we eventually managed to find le Crêperie Josselin in Montparnasse around 3pm. Note to self for future reference, it is closed between lunchtime and dinnertime!

To console myself about the lack of supposedly awesome crêpes, we decided to check out the Cimentière Montparnasse (Montparnasse Cemetary) where I incorrectly recalled that famous figures such as Jim Morrison (of The Doors) and Voltaire were buried. We did see the grave of Jean-Paul Sartre as well as Simone de Beauvoir and were heading to check out the gravestones of noted authors Joseph Kessel and Samuel Beckett when the bells tolled and we were kicked out due to closing hours.

I hope they're resting in peace. Especially after I disturbed them with the click of my Blackberry's camera function.

Our second day in Paris was simply not going according to Miss Banana Nomad’s planned itinerary. I ended up in a total huff despite temporarily being distracted by an extremely savoury hot-dog and melted cheese baguette with a glass of apple cider at a tiny café whose name I’ve forgotten. Oh, and a bolognaise crêpe.

Do not be fooled by the wide smile. I was beyond unimpressed with Paris at this point.

We headed back towards the hotel as I was simply fed up with encountering closed places and just wanted to relax. This relaxation apparently manifested itself in a stream of complaints interjected by moody silences. The Consultant was doing his best to cheer me up and keep me feeling the enthusiasm of being on holiday. Eventually at some point during our conversation, he produced a small brown box to evidence his commitment to always cheer me up whenever I was feeling sad or annoyed.

I stared at this box he had placed in my hand, unopened, until he asked “Well, aren’t you going to open it?”

I opened it and continued to stare silently at its’ contents like a mute person, until he asked, “So? Will you marry me?”

Naturally I threw my arms around him as I screeched a high-pitched “YES”!!!

So there is the story. No bending down on one knee or any tears, just non-stop smiling, hugging and kissing (also champagne... at least until midnight, anyway).

Now that the battle to tame him into submission has been won (just kidding, my lovely Consultant) my next foreseeable battle is with the UK Home Office (the authorities responsible for approving my fiancée and spousal visas). It is a very busy time as I prepare to move back to the U.K. permanently as well as plan our wedding arrangements. So many things to do and write about, and so little time!

Thank you for reading and stay tuned <3

Goodbye Thailand : Introduction

Nearly 5 years ago, I completed my undergraduate studies at the University of Bristol, U.K. and returned back to Thailand, a country in which I was born but not raised as a Thai. I will soon be departing Bangkok and heading to London permanently to join the Consultant as we begin our married life together.

Naturally, there will be certain things to reminisce about.

Things I will probably miss the most:
1) Eating Adventures
2) My People
3) MRT, BTS, Public Transportation
4) Rachaprasong Golden Square Mile
5) The Beautiful Beaches and Islands
6) The Party Scene

Things which I am certain few people would ever miss:
1) The Unmentionable Caste System
2) Traffic (and Lack of Road Rules in Relation Thereto)
3) Corporate Culture
4) Sexpats, Giks and Other Forms of Sexual Pollution
5) Public Services
6) Public Nose-Picking

I should write a mini-series expanding my ideas further, right?

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for the next blogpost <3

Thai Women vs. Thai Men: Miss Banana Nomad'sTheory vs. Khun Cod's Theory

I recently came across a random article on one of my favourite English language websites which I usually browse to find out what's new and hip around Bangkok (www.cnngo.com/bangkok). Who wouldn't be intrigued by the title, "How to Date a Thai Woman in Bangkok", followed by smaller italics "A self-described ladies man says forget everything you think you know about women: the Thai female is a whole other handful"? My interest was further piqued by the mention that he was a Thai who had grown up abroad like yours truly.

To read more, please view the whole article by clicking here: Cod Satrusayang: How to date a Thai woman in Bangkok | CNNGo.com http://www.cnngo.com/bangkok/life/cod-satrusayang-how-date-thai-woman-bangkok-775919#ixzz1EqQVtKaP

Quick recap of Khun Cod's theory on Thai women, taken from the article:

• They are, with few exceptions, "a whole other kind of crazy from every other species in the world". 
• They like a man who is "aow jai", meaning that men have to spoil them incessantly, including but not limited acting as chauffeur, bellboy, therapist. For non-Thais, "aow jai" can be literally translated as "want mind". What "aow jai" amounts to in practice is the constant attempt to please someone to the point of outward subservience.
• They are superficial when it comes to relationships, by choosing appearances (last name, wealth, possessions) as opposed to substance (he doesn't expand on this point particularly, but I presume, chemistry and attraction based on mutually shared interest and values).
• They do not value the notion of "personal space" and will not hesitate to invade yours, should you choose to date one.
• They will find it acceptable for their man to have multiple "mia nois" (literally meaning small wife, or mistress) and/or "giks" (a promiscuous playfriend with whom you definitely flirt and often more than flirting). As long as the man keeps on the D-low and doesn't publicly shame her sense of dignity, all will be accepted and forgiven because it is culturally accepted.

Khun Cod's Theory, bottom line: "If you want to date a Thai woman, as long as you're needy, attentive and discreet, you can get away with almost anything. Particularly if you're rich."

For the benefit of the doubt, let's assume that Khun Cod was intentionally writing a piece that was meant to provoke and expose himself to the wrath of women. I am not interested in berating him since I see that several others have already written several  comments about his (in their words) poor journalism.

Regardless of whether or not I consider that his article was written poorly, I find the subject fascinating for a two-fold reason; firstly, I am a "Thai woman" (nationality wise anyway, plus I currently live here), and secondly, love is what makes my world go round so all subjects to do with relationships between people interest me.

It was indeed biased, but then so is all journalism to a certain extent... I had hoped it would sound less like some ugly nerd annoyed about being constantly rejected, and more in-depth contemplation of the reasons whyfor etc.

The bullet points which I listed from his article above, are observations which I, along with several Thai and non-Thai friends, have also made on our own accord and have witnessed occurring even among close Thai female friends. I should warn the reader that the majority of my female and male friends and acquaintances in Thailand (outside of the office) generally consist of Thais who finished high school at an international school in Thailand, have been educated abroad in some way (such as completion of a university degree), come from families which would be considered as middle to upper class, speak perfect English, work for reputable companies, enjoy socializing and meeting (and have dated both) Thais and non-Thais, have engaged in consensual pre-marital sex, know how to dance and enjoy life spontaneously yet at the same time take their responsibilities seriously.

I have never met Khun Cod, but we have several mutual friends which has led me to believe that he must have encountered (and attempted to date, although apparently unsuccessfully) similar types of Thai women as those with which I am well acquainted. So well done to Khun Cod for pointing out the obvious.

While we are engaged in the activity of vast generalization about Thai women with complete disregard to socio-economic factors (e.g. level of income, education, family influence, hi-so/low-so/no-so), I may as well point out some obvious behaviours of Thai men in similar society.

How to Date a Thai Man in Bangkok

A self-described hot Thai woman describes how the Thai man is a completely different type of douchebag from the rest of them out there

• Thai men equally place emphasis on superficial values, such as how a Thai woman looks as his arm candy, how envious his friends will be, how OTHERS perceive her to be a good girlfriend for him, how she will increase his own value in the eyes of others.
• They are equally prone to irrational bouts of jealousy, starting petty arguments, and giving the silent treatment when they're not getting their own way. i.e. Petulant.
• They feel entitled to have a mia noi or a gik. "Everyone's doing it and not getting caught, so why not join the promiscuous fun?"
• When you want to end things with a Thai man because you likely caught him cheating on you, he begs for forgiveness which can lead to two paths, depending on your response. A) You forgive him and agree to stay with him. He continues cheating on you anyway. You enter into a long and ultra stressful series of breaking up and getting back together. B) You tell him to f*ck off and mean it. He refuses to face the music and let you go, which often turns into him stalking you, assaulting you with emotional blackmail and/or physical violence, showing up and embarrassing you in public when you least expected it, private home invasions, lobbying with your friends and family to make them understand that he didn't mean to, and that you two are really meant to be together.

Miss Banana Nomad's Theory, Bottom Line: "If you want to date a Thai man, throw your brain, heart and morality out of the window, and accept that constant heartbreak and/or mental breakdowns will now be a part of your life from Day 1." 

-----------------------
NB. This post is intended to be entertaining as opposed to slanderous or constituting a hate campaign against Thai men. As I mentioned, I am more interested in the issues of how and why the matters are thus, but I have to do some more research about this. Maybe in my next post ;-)

Rabbit Year Healthy Food & Lifestyle Project: Month 1

One month ago, I decided to take some SERIOUS actions about my health, namely changing my food habits (more familiarly known as "dieting") together with committing to regular exercise.

Why?

It is quite normal for people to go on a diet for the sole purpose of losing weight, but my priority was actually to improve my health. Towards the end of my otherwise perfect holiday in Europe during January 2011, I was hospitalized for a kidney infection - which I believe was worsened due to a weakened immune system caused by lack of proper nutrients, bad eating habits (wavering between not eating at all vs. binging crazily on whatever I fancied), dehydration, work overload, lack of sleep and too much stress during the 4th quarter of 2011. I started my holiday feeling weak, exhausted, bloated. I finished my holiday feeling weak, exhausted, bloated (and worse off because I had to say goodbye to The Consultant, instead of being able to look forward to seeing him).

The second thing which kickstarted my derriere into motion - which will sound petty and silly, but it is completely true - is a health checkup that I had at my company on 23 January 2011. It wasn't a proper checkup in the sense that they did blood tests or anything. What happened was I had to stand on a machine, grab two handles and stand still for 2 minutes while the machine determined the inner workings of the temple known as my body, and subsequently prints out a sheet stating your fat content, blood sugar, weight and other such details:

The official FatAss Report, issued October 2010.

This was not a new experience. I had previously done this back in October. The nurse interpreted my results and informed me that I was slightly overweight and more importantly, the ratio of fat to muscle was alarmingly disproportionate. Despite my marathon training, I apparently had too little muscle for my body.

Back in October, I listened but I didn't make any changes to my life. Instead, my grip on life habits spiralled out of control with the chaos that consists of End-Of-Year-Assault (end of financial year for the company, busiest time of the year workwise, endless Christmas parties). Naturally, I was merely surprised that my general health had not worsened when the results came out exactly the same in January.

The difference between the October and the January checkup is that in January, the company decided to turn it into a competition. Each person's results were then tallied according to their supposedly expected weight, height, fat vs. muscle composition ... and I not only lost to everyone else (within legal), I was tied for losing spot with the official office Chubby Chick. She was delighted. I was HORRIFIED.

The two losers of the health checkup competition showing why they lost.

Instead of crying, I immediately decided to bombshell my life, health and body into gear by (i) changing my eating habits, and (ii) committing to regular exercise, including increasing the strength of whatever little muscle I actually had in my body.

How?

1. I started a food diary. I figured this would help me to keep track of what I was eating (duh) and also make me more self-conscious about my food choices, thus leading to better eating habits. In my table, I also included columns for daily cigarette and alcohol intake, as well as exercise.
2. I devised a meal plan for myself, based on the "rainbow principle" and "low-GI diet" (low glycaemic index). The rainbow principle is simply this: eat as much variety of fruits, vegetables, grains, protein and dairy in appropriate portions to attain a rainbow; and the low GI diet consists of trying to focus on foods which have a low glycaemic index. The theory is that low glycaemic foods take longer for the body to break down, which reduces cravings for snacking (presumably, on crap that the body doesn't need). As for why I chose this method, I simply used what knowledge I had accumulated over the years (starting with biology class in high school, a favourite subject) to determine which foods I should eat to have a balanced diet. The meal plan was also based on key factors on food selection such as (i) items which I would have enjoyed normally, even if I hadn't decided to go on a diet; (ii) items which are actually available in Thailand; and (iii) items which required little preparation other than chopping, because my kitchen only has a microwave and fridge/freezer. I also allowed myself to have the weekends as "days off" from the meal plan, whereby I could eat whatever I wanted. After all, I'm still working on discovering all of Tatler's listed "best restaurants" of Bangkok together with exploring the zillions of new hip joints that seemingly pop up on a weekly basis!
3. Stemming from item (2), it was clear that I had to start purchasing groceries and preparing my own lunch for weekdays. At my office - in the middle of practically nowhere - the meals available consist of Thai food and fast foods at Tesco Lotus. Thai food, while delicious, often consists of stirfry, white rice or rice noodles, curries and deep fried goodies, all easily leading to increased fat content in the body if one is not careful. It's amazing how many skinny Thai people I know who have cholesterol levels hitting the roof. Fast foods don't even deserve a detailed explanation of their health disadvantages.
4. I promised to regularly exercise for at least half an hour, 3 times a week, NO EXCUSES. Part of this promise to myself included being able to do a set of real push-ups (i.e. not on my knees) and pull-ups!

So this is my summary, one month later ....

• Changes to my body: I stuck to the meal plan, exercised 3 times per week AND I lost 3 kilos. The first 2 kilos were surprisingly lost during the first week! I felt less bloated generally and my usually extremely-unbearable premenstrual cramps seemed to be barely noticeable when they occurred during Week 3.

At the beginning of Week 2. Encouragement!

•  Changes to my bank account: On average, I spent about 2,000THB per week at Tops Supermarket in order to prepare my healthy meals. It sounds extravagant when you consider that lunch at my office canteen generally does not exceed 50THB. You do the maths. However, I also learned that forcing myself to buy groceries per week meant I actually felt mildly guilty when I would meet friends for dinner during weeknights, and tended to eat less (thus reducing my bill).

One month of groceries made both my body weight and cash on hand decrease.

• Changes to my eating habits: I ate A LOT of salads, in different varieties. After the first week, I was starting to feel a bit worried that I would be unable to keep going with the meal plan because my palate was feeling uninxpired. Luckily my high school BFF Nicola (formerly an extremely fussy meat-obsessed eater who converted to be a strict pescatarian a few years ago) intervened with some salad tips to make salads a bit more exciting. Her key tip was to chop everything (including lettuce) into 1cm cubes or smaller, and aim to have at least 5 different flavours and textures in each time. Salads definitely became tastier and less boring!

Salad: Coucous, Pumpkin Seeds, Fresh Cherry Tomatoes, Rocket, Corn & Tuna. Dessert: Fresh Pineapple, Fresh Blueberries & Dried Apricots.

I stopped having cravings for snacks very quickly. I attribute this to the fact that I kept strictly to the routine of breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner. This sounds so obvious that I feel quite silly for not trying this before.

Pre-emptively curbing any cravings in the office with a Granny Smith apple.

• Changes to my strength: Still working on that one! To be updated accordingly. I very quickly learned at BodyPump class during Week 3 that I have pretty much no upper body strength and could barely even do one push-up on my knees! How embarrassing ... especially when the 50-year old granny beside me was having no problems doing real push-ups. I've now managed to do 3 reps of 10 knee push-ups so hopefully this will keep improving.

That's all for now. I want to keep going with this and see how the results of my next checkup (sometime in April) will be. The first week was tough but I am totally into the routine now, so let's see how long I can keep this up for! ENCOURAGEMENT!