A Failure of Marathonic Dimensions

Marathon Day finally arrived - happened - and finished, and I've only just now been able to bring myself to write about my harrowing misadventure.

Where to start my tale of crushing self-defeat and perpetual loathing of aforementioned failure?

Friday, June 11th, 2010

The Chicken Vet Spaniard and I hopped in a taxi after work, inched our way through Bangkok traffic towards Suvarnabhumi airport and had to run like madness to check in on time. We did, landed safely in Phuket, rented a car and found ourself gossiping and relaxing at the German's villa. While the gentlemen went out to Stereolab and some other pubs in the local Phuket nightscene, I was trying to sleep and remain calm (or rather, blissfully ignorant) with regards to the fact I was about to undertake this hugely daunting task.

Saturday, June 12th, 2010

Despite the fact that the Chicken Vet Spaniard and the German had gone out the night before, I still managed to wake up later than them. The German cooked an excellent breakfast for us soon-to-be-champions and also told us the hilarious story of how a few nights before, he had drunkenly signed up for the 5km "walk", part of the same event.

So to kick things off after breakfast, it was time to register. We ran into Nike-Nick's other half, who was registering for the half-marathon herself. One word for the atmosphere: "PSYCHED". Everyone who was registering seemed tense and excited for the big day coming up!

We even had time to check out Surin Beach in the afternoon with the Radz One and the German. My mental state at this point? I was still oblivious to the fact that I was going to attempt running a full marathon...

Sunday, June 13th, 2010

= The Day the Earth Moved, but I Stood Still After 31km

• Marathon registration - check.
• Check that the Cristal was not damaged en route - check.
• Loaded up on carbs at the pasta party - check.
• Soft drinks with Pitti MoonLanguage and his fiancee (our cheerleaders) before bedtime - check.
• Preparing my 'champions outfit' - check.
• Ordering 2.30am breakfast and eating it at 2.30am - check.
• Being at the startline at 4.30am - check.
  

Here's everything except the vast amounts of anti-chafing Vaseline with which we had to smother our skins.
*yeah! At least I look ready to run! My mind was kind of blank at this point.

The race started off in complete darkness and the temperature was approximately 25 Degrees Celsius with bearable humidity. I was enjoying myself for the first 15km, for we were still on flat land and the sun was only beginning to rise towards the 17km. I saw the sunrise for the first time in YEARS.

From the 19km onwards, the course turned into a combination of inclines and plateaus. At this point, Nike-Nick overtook me (the Chicken Vet Spaniard had been light years ahead of me) and told me that I needed to slow myself down and start drinking water at every 1-2 kilometers. I started to do so. The problem was not only the combination of varying terrain, but now, the sun was starting to rise rapidly, and with it, I could feel my skin steaming itself.

By the 27th km (which by that time, the temperature had climbed upwards by at least 4 degrees), I reached what is famously known as "The Wall", that impenetrable mental impasse which prevents you from going on. I felt like crying. I did. I made myself slow down to a jog. I was in pain. I felt like I hated myself. I wanted to give up right then and there. My feet were going numb and the numbness was creeping towards my knees and my thighs and I didn't know whether this was in my head or really happening.

The jog forced itself into a combination of jog + walk, then walk altogether, then standing in silence with exasperated tears of frustration and thinking to myself "[Insert expletive] How am I going to get to the finish line?! [Insert more expletives]"

*Obviously, I made it to the end, otherwise I wouldn't have been given a medal (as seen here with the Chicken Vet Spaniard and the German).

I was rescued by one of Nike-Nick's friends on a motorbike who picked me up on his motorbike and drove me to 1km away from the finish line. I could barely walk but of course managed to cross the line. I actually had requested him to drive me to the carpark as I didn't want anyone to see my defeat but he insisted to drop me off at that point to make me feel better about giving up. Let me tell you, no one has to make me feel guilty about stopping at 31km because I have been replaying the event in my brain for the last few months nonstop. Why else do you think it's taken me so long to write about it?

For all of those pesky friends who haven't attempted the marathon, "try it before you criticise the fact I stopped at 31km". I mean seriously, What the EFF was I thinking?! Everything that the word "marathon" itself evokes - endurance, pain, stamina, courage, torture (did I mention pain already?) - and all of their synonyms were definitely experienced that day, if perhaps not all by me. After a few months of reflection, I have no regrets about my attempt or even not finishing. How many people do you know who have even tried to run it?

Having discontinued the rigorous marathon training and with my failed attempt at completing a marathon already behind me, I noticed that:

1. I have less desire to drink alcohol or feel intoxicated. This is because I hadn't experienced a hangover for about 7 months (since the training first commenced) and I really have no desire to start experience those things again.


2. People ask me quite often, "Have you lost weight?" I have also had comments about my legs looking slimmer. Personally I don't notice the difference as the scales state the same weight, and my clothes fit the same BUT I am getting less firm. Great, for jellyfish impressions.


3. My consumption of cigarettes is at an all-time high. This is terrible. The Consultant is kind enough to not lecture me about it but I know he doesn't approve and quite frankly, why would anyone? I blame it on work-related and douchey ex-boyfriend and all other kinds of stress but I know that I'm just using stress as an excuse for my lack of willpower. My next new year resolution (to be achieved, for real, unlike all of the others) for sure.


4. My skin appears to be clearer, on average. How? I assume this is because I don't spend so much time sweating in the gym under my makeup. For those of you who ask why I wear makeup while working out - I use the same gym as my clients. I don't want to scare them by allowing them to see my real face!


5. I lack any desire to run. This is even worse than item 3 and I don't know how to fix this. It's not simply a matter of mind over matter. I think of running in the park and it makes me want to throw up. Uh oh...

SO. Will I try it again? In the last few months post-marathon, I have wavered in between a definite "YES" and "I will punch anyone who asks". Truth be told, I am closer to the latter. My marathon attempt made me feel as if I had runned myself out, and for a long time I was unable to even look at a treadmill, let alone train on it. On the plus side, I am so happy to have introduced the Chicken Vet Spaniard to running, as he has used this opportunity to explore his hidden potential and uncovering ambitions that he never knew he could achieve - such as attempting the Ironman or Ultramarathon.

In conclusion, my lesson to myself here is that it doesn't matter if I didn't get to the end of the finish line in Phuket on 13 June 2010. Every adventure or misadventure is itself a life changing experience... Regret nothing, and enjoy it as much as possible.

Live Today, Die Tomorrow = DO NOW

...Or at least, start planning how to do.

Excuse the morbidity - I haven't been diagnosed with a terminal disease, my physical and mental health are both fine (albeit questionable at times) and I don't engage (or plan to engage) in any "extreme death-inviting-activities" such as snorting heroin à la Uma Thurman's character in Pulp Fiction. Recently I was having a terrible week and I could have broken down into tears several times. Instead, I cancelled my Friday night dinner appointment, sought refuge in my favourite cocktail bar and pondered the week's events, then life generally, over a vodka martini and awaited for my lovely other half to join me at the bar once the dinner (for which my appointment had been self-terminated, but he was unable to cancel his presence) was over. I also wrote down a list of things I would like to experience one day before I die. Life is too short to be spent being unhappy when there are so many exciting things in the world to be discovered, and only one of me to see and do all of those things which I want.

In no particular order then....

1. See the Northern Lights
2. See the pyramids in Giza, travel through the Valley of the Kings, Memphis, Thebes, Karnak and explore Cairo (ride a camel)
3. Antarctica expedition
4. Join a whaling tour to see whales in the wild
5. Go on safari in Africa
6. Australia Trip: Hug a koala, Sydney >> Gold Coast >> Brisbane >> Queensland and Perth Vineyards
7. See how good the coffee really is in Amsterdam's coffeeshops
8. Fantasy Road Trip: Athens, Greece along the coast to Croatia
9. Have a dog as a pet
10. Spain Plus Ultra: Barcelona, Oviedo, Madrid
11. Party until sunrise in Ibiza for a week
12. Spend a long weekend in Boracay, Philippines when it's not monsoon season
13. Speak French and drink my way through nice wines in Paris, Bordeaux, Nice and everywhere in between
14. Ride in a stretch limo in Las Vegas
15. Stay in an ice hotel
16. Tour Italy: Florence, Venice, Milan and cycle tour in the wine regions
17. Get a driver's license
18. Drink beer and wear Lederhosen at Oktoberfest in Germany
19. Write a book that gets published
20. Experience what should be the happiest day of my life - my wedding with the man of my dreams - with both of my parents and their families present (and not bickering, fighting or glaring at each other)
21. Obtain an additional degree
22. Moscow/St. Petersburg
23. Read all of Penguins' literary Classics and Modern Classics
24. Become a decent golf player (does anyone want to go to the driving range this weekend...?)
25. Live in another country apart from Thailand (outside of Asia) before the age of 30
26. Road Trip around USA: All four corners AND the middle

There are a few more but, I'm 26 years old now, so it seems appropriate to stop at this number. Besides, too many different ideas of what to be done means too little gets done.

Anyone want to join me on any of these experiences? Let's see the world together :)

LDR. Long Distance Relationship, or Love Decaying Reluctantly?

Not so long ago, one of my good friends asked me for tips on how to make a long-distance relationship ("LDR") work. I'm pleased in him valuing my words enough to confide in me, but before I even comment, I think it is of utmost importance firstly to inform readers that I am not a qualified (or even, unqualified) relationship therapist, nor have I managed to successfully pull off being a party to an LDR for very long... in fact, all of my previous attempts have failed spectacularly in the end. Since I am hopelessly optimistic, romantic, foolish, or possibly a combination of all three, I still believe it is possible that two people can be happy in an LDR, provided that certain standards of behaviour are maintained by both parties.

Here are my observations from my own experiences, which I wrote to said friend (in no particular order of importance, as I consider all of these to be essential).

1. Pining Away Ruins Everyone's Feelings. If one person is less busy than the other person, the other person will have a lot more time to miss the busy person. This may lead to feelings of resentment by the less busy person eg. "You never have time for me" and lots of conflict. Both persons should stay busy and active with their lives, but let the other person know that you're thinking of them continually.
2. Talk Because You Both Want To, Not Because You Feel You Should. Regular communication is good, but don't make it a routine, otherwise it starts to feel like a chore. Using a variety of media to communicate eg. sms, calls, skype, video conference, email interesting things which you know the other person will like / find funny will keep things interesting and fresh. Personally, I am not a huge talker on the telephone and have been cured of my ICQ/MSN/FacebookChat addiction due to excessive use so I find this to be particularly relevant. Other couples might feel differently and both parties expect/want the same form of communication, as a source of daily comfort.
3. Without Trust, There is Nothing. Trust each other. This is definitely the most important consideration in any relationship, regardless of whether you are in an LDR or are fortunate enough to not have to worry about the distance. Being with someone who one doesn't trust is physically and mentally exhausting, and the same is true in terms of being someone who isn't trusted by his/her partner.
4. Resist Temptations. In social settings you may (= will) encounter temptation. Don't give in!! The truth will always come out somehow. Don't forget that however innocent your own intentions were, there is always possibility for your actions to be misconstrued. The onus is on you to defend yourself should you or your other half find yourself in a compromising position. No one likes to be made to feel guilty for things that they've done - and many times, men will made to feel guilty for 'relationship crimes' that they haven't even committed. Don't allow damning evidence to be presented against you in the first place..
5. Fight, Forgive & Move On. If you guys fight try to make up within 24 hours, and forgive each other for past wrongs. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from them and move on ASAP, and don't repeat offensive behaviour! Or negotiate for a compromise which both parties can be happy with, and actually BE happy with the compromise.
6. Both Need to Work Towards Being Reunited Permanently. LDR should be as temporary as possible, and only a transitory period before you two are really physically together permanently. A big problem is that each person undergoes changes in their circumstances; when you're together with someone, they support you and encourage you, understand all of the changes as they are there with you along the process; in an LDR it can become very difficult for one person to relate to the other person simply due to the fact of being physically separated. If you guys are not working on or plan to eventually be at the same place at the same time (eg within 1-2 years) you may eventually say to each other, "What's the point of being 'together' when we're not phsically together and will never be?" [HOWEVER, this should not in any way imply that you need to work towards being reunited in terms of MARRIAGE. Such an expectation is totally dependant on each individual parties' desires and philosophies with regards to such long term commitment.]
7. Never Let The Other Forget How Important He/She is to You. Don't take the other person for granted or allow them to feel like they are - this makes the other person feel insecure and may cause them to seek comfort from other human sources instead ie. Cheat. (This is applicable for all relationships not just LDR).
   

Nobody said it would be easy.. they just said it would be worth it.

One more thing. Prior to undertaking this potentially rewarding LDR, one has to ask a few questions:

How do I know if he/she is worth the effort of an LDR? Am I ready for this? Should we be in an LDR?

.... the answers to those questions will have to be answered in another post, after I've already successfully conquered my own LDR. ;-)

One, Two, Three, Four, I Declare a Facebook Frenemies War!

Calm down - it’s not quite so dramatic. We all know that my life is really not that interesting enough for the masses (I’m not a celebrity, politician or anything with the prefixes ‘celeb’ or ‘famous’ or ‘infamous’), but it has come to my attention that several people have been speculating – without asking me directly, save a few - about recent changes to my Facebook privacy settings together with being deleted from my Blackberry messenger. In light of the foregoing, I merely think it is time for a written opinion on the matter of Facebook Friends vs. Actual Friends and why the distinction may or may not be of relevance at all.

First of all, people were friends with each other before the frenzied rise of Facebook and online social networking websites, as well as Blackberry messenger. Alexander Graham Bell, thank you for the telephone. Also, big kudos to Ray Tomlinson for inventing internet-based email back in 1971, which doubtlessly brings people together from far-reaching places on the planet. I have friends who don’t even use Facebook at all in this day and age, nor Blackberry, nor MSN or chat programs. Letters can still be sent by the post, in case you’ve forgotten. People wanting to keep in touch with each other as friends definitely can do so outside of using social networking websites and phone applications. Within Bangkok, I see those who I consider as my friends usually once a week or every 10 days, and while all are on Facebook not all are actively using this website. Therefore I am sure that with regards to those friends, we would all be far more productive at work and generally if we were not connected as Facebook Friends, which gives us constant entertainment and the incentive to continually comment on photos, write on each others’ walls, play Farmville, etc., while still being able to remain friends offline.

Secondly, as for certain people who have been entirely blocked recently, it is not as if they could say they were close to me. They didn’t care to ask how I was doing at any time, how my life is, etc. (and I acknowledge, vice versa) when we were connected as ‘Friends’ online. You don’t need to be a genius to read that Facebook connects “friends” on the left toolbar on your Facebook profile page. I have actual friends who use Facebook to meet new people and who are willing to accept anyone new into their Facebook lives. That’s fine for them, and I don’t disapprove, but that’s not my style. Facebook is an application which I use to keep in touch with people who are actual friends in the offline world, or people who I would like to get to know better and intend to actively do so. If we’re just acquaintances, I am not offended by their lack of effort to be my actual friend, but then why should they be offended when I cut off the connection when neither of us tried in the first place, nor were even interested in trying? The point of blocking someone is to make a very clear statement to that person “I do not wish to know you or contact you. I do not wish for you to know me or contact me.” Isn’t that clear enough?

Thirdly, the fact remains that for some people, they refuse to disassociate with my ex-boyfriend. As may be viewed from my previous posted note, the word ‘acrimonious’ would be the best way to sum up my feelings on the breakup. That’s their choice, but I ALSO have the choice with regards to whom I wish to associate, or disassociate with. I don’t want for people who I am not close to, or who are simply ‘Facebook friends’ for the sake of maintaining appearances as we may be in the same offline social peer group, to then be able to disperse information about me to him.

Case in point: Approximately TWO MINUTES after I posted my last note on Facebook, titled “Everything Troy J. Eremin doesn’t want you to know about himself, but you should”, I received a text message on my phone from the subject himself, as follows:

“You’re a joke. You’re stupid and childish. Grow up. People tell me the stuff that you talk about and even the recent posting you put on Facebook.”

This is despite the fact that I have blocked him on Facebook and blocked his emails, as well as those who friends of his who I know to be close to him (who have never been close to me). If you haven’t done so already, reading the note is recommended. The title is misleading as to the actual content of the note, which is basically a summary of all of the important lessons I learned while being in a relationship with the wrong person for me. There are people sympathetic to his cause, and that’s their business (and/or problem). My point is that I simply wish to have NOTHING to do with him, what he stands for, what he does with his life, and how he chooses to live it; equally, he should also have NOTHING to do with MY life, being able to know what I’m doing, how I choose to live, etc. If that means that I have to delete and/or block ‘Friends’ on Facebook in order to achieve such objective, I am capable and ready to delete and/or block such persons as a ‘Friend’ on Facebook. I acknowledge that there is a gap in the Facebook interface which allows unwanted people (people connected to me by “Three Degrees of Separation”) to observe my activities if I happen to tag mutual friends. Whether or not we remain actual friends in the offline world remains to be seen through both of our subsequent actions and reactions.

Fourthly – and finally – do those people mourn the loss of an actual friendship with me? Or is it merely that their pride is injured? It astonishes me how many people can’t even look me in the eye and tell me to their face that they’re annoyed to not be considered as my ‘Facebook friend’ or ‘Blackberry messenger contact’, but they freely chatter to anyone who will listen about this apparent injustice (because they're apparently SO interested in my life, despite not indicating so before in real life by either actions or words...), how I'm being unfair, what do I have against them etc. If you don’t have the courage to ask me directly my reasons for doing something yet ask everyone else but me as to why, it is reasonable to infer that you and I weren’t close enough in the first place for you to feel comfortable enough, or obligated by the duties of honesty which bind friends, to confront me yourself. I also recognize that those in the inner circle who happened to be affected by my amended privacy settings simply said nothing to me and respected my decision on the premise that our actual friendship was based on the real world outside of a website; furthermore I also hope that actual friends who were genuinely concerned and who would mourn the loss of a friendship with me would tell me so directly.

No one needs to spend time justifying themselves to people who aren’t actually friends. I may be deemed as a cold-hearted and selfish b*tch who only thinks about herself, but then, isn’t everyone self-interested? I should never be making apologies for who I am, why I am that way, who I want or do not want to associate with, and no longer will be doing so. People have their own reasons for doing things so why shouldn’t I also? I don’t ask you to justify your actions to me, so why should I owe you an explanation? Friends know each others’ faults, and accept them with open eyes.

In this life, I only wish to have the best quality in everything that I can. This includes friendships. The value and meaning of friendship for many people becomes completely distorted when they base those ideals on the premise of whether one is or isn’t a ‘Friend’ on Facebook. At the same time, I think it would be instructive to comment on what for me personally, being an actual friend requires. The list below is not exhaustive, but consists of the most important values for me if someone is my friend.

1. LOYALTY RULES. In times of distress, the distinction between what/who is right or wrong can be unclear. Perhaps only one side is wrong. Perhaps both are wrong. Where situations are more clear-cut, e.g. the instance of one party owing money to another and refusing to pay by claiming that “You can’t prove I owe you anything” - we are at an age when we should know what is right or wrong, and be able to stand up to those principles. If a person is wrong, it is a friend’s duty to tell such person so directly if the friend believes that the person did the wrong thing. If the other party is at fault, your friends should stick by your side. This doesn’t necessarily mean fighting your battles for you but at the least they should not act in a manner that implies acceptance and/or forgiveness of the other’s party’s fault. As Abraham Lincoln says, “A friend is someone who shares the same enemies.” What on earth are we friends for if you’re going to be joining the other side? Don’t I have enough battles to fight with my enemies? The position of a mutual friend of two people who are at war with each other is an altogether unenviable one. Still, one can only sit on the fence for so long before one side of the dispute walks away entirely and the mutual friend is eventually left with only one friend, instead of two.. which would have happened anyway if the mutual friend stood by the principle of loyalty to one party initially.

Loyalty isn’t born based on the amount of time people have known each other, since friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest; it’s about who came, and never left your side.

2. FOR BETTER, OR FOR WORSE. Now that we are no longer in school or university and we are building our careers to prepare us for the rest of our lives, the selection of those whom we choose to be friends with is of extreme importance. We need people who will nurture us, encourage us and who will be there to help pick us up when we fall, so that we can get back on the path to success again. Those who are only there for the good times, who just want to have party and fun and don’t want to face the serious matters, or help you to face them, do not deserve the title of Friend. This includes those who “just want to stay out of it”. They will never understand what you’re going through, nor are they willing to, because their goals are to have a good time and not have anything ruin the ‘party’ and ‘good times’.

“Freunde sind Engel, die uns wider auf die Beine helfen, wenn unsere Flügel vergessen haben wie man fliegt.”

This is the only German quote I have ever remembered. In effect, “Friends are angels who help us get back on our feet when our wings have forgotten how to fly.” I always remember this quote when I have been fortunate to be beside people who I am proud to call my friends, when times are difficult.

3. TRUE FRIENDS STAB YOU IN THE FRONT. It sounds so simple and easy, but in practice it isn’t always as easy as it sounds. It is one thing to talk about another friend within the same inner circle of friends out of genuine concern for such friend; an entirely different thing to talk maliciously about your friend to anyone who will listen. I can handle the truth and being told by my friends that my behaviour is unacceptable, that I shouldn’t have done this, that I did that wrong, etc. I accept that I’ve done bad things in my life and I learn my lessons from those experiences. If you have the ability to voice your disapproval to others behind my back, then you should also be able to tell me directly. Furthermore, everyone knows that long knife with which a metaphoric stab to the back is inflicted forms the shape of a circle!

4. AVOID CHINESE WHISPERS. Confidential information sometimes needs to be disclosed. Sometimes it could change someone’s life or expedite their death if confidential information is not disclosed to the right persons who have a need to know. But most of the time, when issues are not a matter of life or death or serious concern for someone’s wellbeing, if someone has entrusted information to you about something precious to them, that trust should not be broken.

5. RESPECT EACH OTHER. By this, I mean 'an act of giving particular attention to a person' or 'giving high or special regard to a person' (as opposed to other possible meanings such as 'in respect of' etc). Without respecting a person, the previous four qualities which are listed will necessarily be nonexistent because there will be no motivation upon which such qualities would be based.

People change in the course of a lifetime, in the blink of an eye, sometimes it's noticeable immediately, other times the change is gradual. Can we adapt to meet each other’s changes and accept such changes, as well as encourage each other and support each other? If yes, then we can continue as friends. If no, there’s no loss to either one of us. We each have memories of the good times. Any relationship between two people, whether of the romantic sort or not, depends on change management and implementation. Friendship, like all things in life, is ephemeral i.e. fleeting and transitory, depending on the circumstances.

In the battle of friends-who-could-care-less, eventually one realizes when to stop fighting a battle that was not worth fighting since the beginning. Therefore, what should it matter to either of us, or anyone else whether or not we are connected on a social networking website or on blackberry messenger? Around this time last year, I deactivated my Facebook. Did I still have friends? Yes. At the end of the day, what really matters is whether we are friends and want to be friends, in the offline world. All anyone has to do is to just BE friends. I am me, you are you, everyone has their own principles and expectations of what it means to be a friend and if we want to be friends based on those matching principles and expectations, we will be, regardless of being connected on a website or telephone chat application.

Things that my Douchey-Ex-Boyfriend doesn't want you to know, but you definitely should.

After having been slandered publicly on Facebook (e.g. being called names such as "b*tch, *f*cking slut, the like), had false rumours abounding about me ending the relationship because of "another man" and being constantly deemed as the "unreasonable ex" among my own group of so-called friends since 'the breakup', I've pretty much had enough and I think it's time to FIGHT BACK, declare war, air out all of HIS dirty laundry and salvage whatever is left of my reputation.

Right?

Wrong. I don't give a crap about the poor or abhorrant morals of other individuals and with whom they choose to associate or how they conduct their lives. At the end of the day, one has a CHOICE as to how they choose to behave. Therefore, I choose as follows: to learn my lessons, and live my life being as great as I can, and be surrounded by as much greatness and goodness as much as possible, from this day onwards, only looking forwards into the beautiful future.

As Milan Kundera so rightly points out in my favourite book The Unbearable Lightness of Being: "We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come." At one time, I was in love with him. Eventually, for reasons which are no longer nor ever again will be be relevant, I no longer felt that way nor wanted to be with him. It ended bitterly in disappointment for both of us. There are two sides to every relationship and every end. That's all I wish to comment with regards to that part.

What I really wish to write about are the lessons that I have learned throughout the relationship with the Douchey-Ex-Boyfriend with whom I was with from January 2008-April 2009, and in the wake of the worst as well as most expensive breakup I ever went through.

1. NEVER LEND MONEY to your partner who is financially unstable. If you do, make sure you keep written evidence of it. You never know when you might have a bad break up and the partner will pretend as if the debt never existed. Resentment, anger, disgust are common feelings which tend to linger and spread throughout your brain like disease every time you think about the fact that your partner will never pay you back. After all, who has time to spare by filling their brain with such negativity?

2. LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU LOVE OTHERS. If you don't love yourself, you will suffer from insecurities of some kind which will be taken out upon the other partner. You can't take care of someone emotionally if you are always needing their attention to take care of your own emotional needs.

3. IF ONE PERSON CHEATS, CONFESS. For many people, deciding whether or not to cheat on someone, and then tell, involves some kind of Prisoner's dilemma/game theory analysis (although perhaps they don't recognise it if they didn't study economics). Often, cheating is deemed to be easily done, and far less easily detectable if you are careful; hence why people take the risk to do it in the first place. Take note that the truth ALWAYS comes out, even if you don't admit it at the time. Evidence is even more damning if you don't confess initially, as you will continually harbour some guilty feelings, which in turn will be displayed outwardly towards the non-cheating partner in the form of raging jealousy (which was previously non-existent).

4. YOUR TRUE FRIENDS WILL SHOW THEIR TRUE COLOURS. I firmly believe that without loyalty, friendship is meaningless... it is in fact sincere acquaintanceship. In a bad breakup, you certainly learn and understand your friends' motives and you learn how and who to really trust.

5. DO NOT WAIT FOR SOMEONE NEW TO REPLACE YOUR PARTNER. By this, I mean that if the sh*t has already hit the fan several times and there is no sign that it will stop, don't wait for someone else to come along, catch your eye and lure you away in the form of escape from your crap relationship. Don't waste time by being unhappy. Life is too short. If you recognise that it's never going to get any better, just leave and be alone by yourself.

6. EVALUATE YOURSELF & TURN IT INTO OPPORTUNITY. The cruel truth is that it takes two people to make a relationship end. Perhaps it is not always the same 2 people who are always in a relationship. Perhaps both of you just jumped into a relationship too early. Perhaps one person has experienced a life changing event and the other person can no longer relate. These things happpen. Spend some time thinking about it and facing to the cold hard truths (tears, breaking glass and other objects are allowed in the privacy of your own home). Learn from your mistakes and be prepared for whatever may come your way next... My personal lesson was 'Do not be a slut who lures unhappily-married-men-with-two-kids-who-has-no-stable-income from his present unhappy situation. EVER'. People don't change unless they themselves recognise that they need to change and therefore want to change, for the betterment of themselves and to be a more acceptable human being.

7. MAKE A LIST OF WHAT YOU WANT FROM YOUR NEXT PARTNER, AND DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS. True story. I did this and told my list to 2 friends around this time last year, who both responded "You're going to be single forever, because no perfect man like that exists." After an extended period of singledom and occasional despair 'comforted' by meaningless liaisons, dalliances and dates that went nowhere, I'm now dating the most amazing man ever who ticks every box on the very extensive 'impossible-to-fulfill' list. As I mentioned above, people don't change unless they want to. Don't bother trying to change someone who deep down, thinks there is nothing wrong with him/herself. Change to be single, set your expectations and stick to them, and you will eventually meet someone who is as perfect for you as RNW is for me. In this regard, similar interests, education, outlook on life and expectations of acceptable social and moral standards are quite important as well as how you foresee the future (alone? together? haven't thought about it?). If you love current affairs and public debate etc, there's no point trying to educate someone to read the newspaper every day if such person is totally disinterested in making any attempt and would rather be working out a the gym or partying. Fact. Avoid all disputes relating to "You're never interested in what I do" by simply dating someone who IS interested in the same things.

8. SAVE THE DRAMA FOR TV, MOVIES AND PLAYS. A breakup is a traumatic and highly emotionally charged event, whether you are the person who made the executive decision or are at the receiving end or it is a mutual decision. Just because the relationship itself ends, does not mean that the feelings immediately cease to exist. Often, these feelings can take centre stage in the form of public confrontation (especially when couples are in the same group of friends who invite both to social engagements after the breakup) Initially, for every provocative action (which unfortunately, there were several), I had a very public reaction which doesn't render anyone sympathetic to either one of your causes. Now, I simply avoid creating drama by not attending events which I know would arouse my anger and make me feel as if I want to punch someone. There will ALWAYS be parties every single weekend. Cutting out on the alcohol and avoiding causing any scenes is helping both your liver and mental wellbeing. Related to this point is the matter of provocation by way of FACEBOOK. I highly disapprove of slander on people's status' (not only because I was a victim) - first of all, it makes your mutual friends uncomfortable, and secondly, it makes you look like a TOTAL douchebag.

9. IF A RELATIONSHIP HAS TO BE A SECRET, YOU SHOULDN'T BE IN IT. My Dad has often said this to me; that if you're not able to be open about the relationship to the public, someone will become resentful... which in turn will be harmful to the long-term prospect of the relationship. It's so true, but I had to learn the lesson on my own in order to really understand its' meaning. In my case, I dated a married guy. He couldn't tell his family (who would never accept me for 'stealing him away from his wife and children' which incidentally, was NOT how it happened but how it would nevertheless have been interpreted), and I couldn't tell mine (except my Dad, since he doesn't judge me).

Finally...

10. REGRET NOTHING. Without having undergone through the pain of a devastatingly broken heart and the cynicism that followed thereafter, I wouldn't be who or where I am today at my life. I know who my real friends are, who my fairweather friends are, and the who-I-don't-care-if-I never-see-them-again 'friends' are. Having felt so much anger and hate in the past year really drove me to achieve a lot in terms of career and new hobbies like marathon running, and strive very hard to attain a self-image of myself which is finally respectable to me. Not to mention I finally met the man of my dreams~ Despite all that has happened in the last few years, I have been and remain entirely optimistic about the unknown thrilling and exciting future. To experience sadness, anger, resentment, hurt and generally negative feelings makes you appreciate the more extraordinary and beautiful things in life. Anyone can make their own happiness... so I will continue to do so.

Pillow Talk: "I Give You 10/10"

The best ideas often happen while in or on a bed, when you're cuddling with the other half and discussing your futures together and so forth. The Consultant recently returned from work and found me sitting atop his bed [wait for it...] working on this blog and brainstorming about subsequent posts [see, nothing scandalous there]. After the usual "How was your day", and discussion on where to have dinner as well as nearby future [holiday] plans, the conversation turned to progress on the blog:

Me: "There are so many blogs out there on food and related material, I know of at least 2 other blogs on this subject. How can I differentiate mine to make it more interesting so that people will actually read this and find it useful?"

The Consultant: "True. Maybe you could put in place some sort of rating system out of a 100 for each restaurant, then have another page with a league table, and the two could be linked."

Debate then ensued as to the merits of using a rating system with 100 - How can you decide the difference between a 7 and 8? And how about 77 and 78? How to link the separate pages, I am very low-tech...! [Note to self: the Consultant said I should ask the Wingman's best friend, the Tall Dutch One, since he is an expert in these web page matters.]

Technicalities aside, the main point to be surmised is that we both agreed some kind of rating system should be put into place. I've thought this over and decided to rate restaurants according to the following factors (out of 10 for each factor), with the overall possible score of 100 as suggested by the Consultant:

1. Tastiness: Because I'm lucky enough that I have the choice in living to eat, not vice versa, it follows that the food must be delicious if I (or anyone) will keep going back.

Orgasm in the Mouth (10) - I'll eat it because I'm hungry (5) - No means NO (1)

2. Wallet Deprivation: The food which you want to digest when you've just been paid your bonus is usually quite different to the food which you want to digest after you've used your bonus to pay for all of your bills, credit cards, rent and all those mundane yet necessary tasks.

Rob a Bank/Be born a Millionaire (10) - Wallet-Friendly (5) - Practically Homeless-Friendly (1)

3. Atmospheric Considerations: Ambiance is like molecules in the air. You can't see it, but you know it's there. You sense it without having real awareness of doing so (unless of course, you are a scientist and you're examining molecules under the microscope). It's like, when you just sit in a restaurant and automatically feel that you're simply oozing coolness due to the mere fact of sitting there, when actually it's because the place is full of Thai celebrities ("Da-Ra") who are themselves oozing coolness while they sit and dine at the adjacent table. This might not be a good place for a first date, since your date will be too busy ogling the Da-Ra; also, you can't take your date to somewhere which is jam-packed full of people who are simply there to eat in order to stay alive - where's the romance if it isn't devastatingly frivolous?.

Da-Ra and Hi-So Central (10) - First Date Intimacy (5) - Prison Canteen Atmosphere (1)

4. Service: Bad service with a non-smiling waiter is quite possibly the key, unspoken reason as to why restaurants have now evolved to serving customers using a conveyor belt (e.g. Yo! Sushi, in the UK) or robots instead of real people [Note to Self: Must check out that new restaurant named Hajime which opened in Bangkok, in which the food is served by robots].

Tip Them, They're Worth It (10) - Acceptable (5) - Replace All Staff with Robots, ASAP (1)

5. Pimp Your Ride: I don't have a car, but I do like to be driven by people who have cars. Sometimes, the issue of parking can be a concern (e.g. Princess Panda's car recently received some damage due to parking unavailability).

Valet All the Way (10) - Fight For Your Right to Park (5) - Take a Cab (1)

6. Originality: This factor was suggested by the Wingman, and I agree it is important - What makes a restaurant stand out from others? A new concept, a new way of presenting the food or a new method of cooking certainly helps.

Patent-Registration-Worthy (10) - Same Same but Different (5) - Same Same, No Different (1)

7. PETA-Friendly: Thailand has an annual vegetarian festival which is celebrated by not eating meat and participating in other strange rituals such piercing oneself with giant bamboo poles. For the less extreme vegetarians and/or vegans, I should think it must be boring ordering vegetarian pizza or pasta everytime...

Only Herbivores Allowed (10) - Omnivores Welcome (5) - Fur Coats are de Rigeur (1)

8. Are you on the Guestlist? Having to queue is one of my top ten pet peeves. It seems like the time could be better spent by, oh I don't know, NOT queuing?!

Queue Before Your birth (10) - Reservation Usually Necessary (5) - What's a Reservation? (1)

9. Fix Up, Look Sharp: It is a given fact of life that certain things make one look better such as high heels and dresses (usually for women, probably never for men, unless they are ladyboys) and suits (sometimes for women, always for men). Part of the allure in going to flashy restaurants is the knowledge that you will be seen, checked out and envied for being so stylish. In addition, some restaurants actually impose dress codes to maintain the perception that they attract the best looking. This is simply a psychological extension on the principle of the law of attraction: When you're beautiful, everyone wants to know you and be part of your life, including following your footsteps into whatever restaurant you're dining at.

No Suit, No Table (10) - Semi Strict Free Style (5) - Whatever You Dare, Just Wear (1)

10: Oppression of the Minority: I don't have children, pets or wheelchairs, but some people might, and their choice of restaurant might be influenced by this. I certainly wouldn't want to take a wheelchair bound friend to some place like Iron Fairies - there is barely enough space to move the wheelchair just past the door.

Can Accommodate All (10) - Mixed Results (5) - Rampant Oppression of Everyone/Thing (1)

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Time to eat lunch in the middle of Nowhere where my office is! Ding Ding!

Friends with Benefits

I'm talking about the benefits of friends who are fellow food lovers, of course!

Having friends and being social is a top notch way to find out about new restaurants and be ahead of the Tatler Magazine scene; or even old restaurants which the Tatler crew have missed out on but which still deserve mention. In addition, some are so keen on restaurants that they have opened restaurants of their own and/or invested in them, which only means more hip eateries for me to try out! [Jumps for Joy!] Since 2010 started, I have been checking out a few new places and would like to share my reviews. This is also the first post in which I've rated the restaurants according to my personalised scoring system mentioned in the post titled "Pillow Talk: "I give you 10/10". Be reminded that of course the scoring system is totally subjective, depending upon the specific detailed factor and a higher score does not necessarily mean that the restaurant is worth a second trip (nor does a lower score necessarily indicate that the restaurant sucks)! Read carefully and enjoy...

1. Bo.Lan (42 Soi Pichai Ronnarong, Sukhumvit Soi 26)

Upon translation into Thai, the name of this restaurant is suggestive of the word "Boran" or "ancient", which should give you a clue of what type of cuisine to expect. The name is actually a combination of the two head chefs, Bo and Dylan, who both worked under David Thompson, the Michelin-starred chef from London's restaurant Nahm. I first heard about this restaurant a couple of months after it opened in 2009 as one of my friends ("KJ") had become a shareholder, and a group of us including Pitti Moon-Language, went to check it out. Set in a large house in the middle of the city, the emphasis is on using fresh ingredients and very Thai traditional foods, which I'd never seen or heard of anywhere else in Bangkok. Even most of the ingredients were new to my vocabulary.

*Picture courtesy of Umanator

I had the opportunity to attend the restaurant's first anniversary party. Unfortunately, I had been stuck in work and doing marathon training [don't laugh - I'm totally serious this time!] to the point where I showed up just in time for the waiters to commence serving dessert canapes. Hurrah for the unlimited shots of Yaa Dong, the Thai equivalent of herbal Schnapps, which was shoved into my hand upon arrival!

This restaurant's offerings definitely fit the description of "haute cuisine". It looks good, is expensive, and can only be really savored by true gastronomes. Which evidently I am n0t, because I felt the need to attack some tacos at Sunrise Tacos immediately after the 1-year anniversary party! [Sorry KJ!]

Scorecard Time!

Tastiness: 4

Wallet Deprivation: 7.5

Atmospheric Considerations: 8

Service: 10

Pimp Your Ride: 10

Originality: 10

PETA-Friendly: 10

Are you on the Guestlist?: 4

Fix Up, Look Sharp: 3

Oppression of the Minority: 9
Result: 65.5 / 100

2. Bouchot (Basement of Oakwood Residence in Sukhumvit Soi 24)

This restaurant is the result of a brainwave of the Hyperactive Chef and some of her classmates from the famed Le Cordon Bleu cooking school in Sydney, specializing in blue mussels and oysters imported from the Mediterranean Sea. Mussels are sold by the kilo and can be cooked in a variety of sauces (my favourite is the white garlic cream sauce). Top tip: Go there on the weekends, that's when they serve the fresh seafood newly imported from the Mediterranean. Also order a plate of the baked oysters with Bouchot aioli to be washed down with some cherry-flavoured beer. Yum!

*Hello oysters and mussels! Come to my stomach NOW!

*Baked oysters with Bouchot aioli

Be prepared to take a taxi to get here though. The parking spaces are very limited, and the car park designated in Oakwood Residence is accessible by way of a 'car lift' or 'car elevator' which is rather too small for hatchbacks even, as Princess Panda recently discovered and is still seething about..

Scorecard Time!
Tastiness: 9
Wallet Deprivation: 7
Atmospheric Considerations: 6
Service: 2
Pimp Your Ride: 3
Originality:10
PETA-Friendly: 1
Are you on the Guestlist?: 5
Fix Up, Look Sharp: 3
Oppression of the Minority: 5

Result: 51 / 100

3. Hyde and Seek (Ground Floor of Athenee Residence in Soi Ruamrudee)

Gastropub for the quintessentially chic crowd who normally can be found at Fallabella afterwards. I found out about this cool place through scrolling through other people's Facebook status' [Don't lie to me or yourself - anyone with a Blackberry and Facebook Application installed has done this at least once...] I knew I had to see it for myself when I noted that 3 demi-celebutantes had mentioned on their Facebook status' that they were really impressed with this gastropub, and I was not disappointed on my first trip. However, subsequent trips have left food for thought, with snail-paced and inattentive waiters, and my favourite dish of Bubba Gump shrimp (scampi) being served in a soggy batter.

Scorecard Time!
Tastiness: 7
Wallet Deprivation: 7
Atmospheric Considerations: 10
Service: 2
Pimp Your Ride: 8
Originality: 9
PETA-Friendly: 1
Are you on the Guestlist?: 10
Fix Up, Look Sharp: 5
Oppression of the Minority: 10

Result: 69 /100

4. It Happened to Be a Closet (2nd Floor of Emporium Mall)

Another one of those mall "I eat here to see you, as well as to be seen" eateries such as at Angelina Paris in Central Chidlom, but with a more trendy, cutting edge vibe to it. Perhaps it's the all-black and the uber kitsch decor (remember, I love kitsch) which makes me want to come back, as well as the fact I can ogle the Prada shopfront, good looking (and less than good looking) people and their designer threads. In any event, it is the new IT spot for snacking on yummy smoked salmon pasta and carrot cake, gossiping, discussing catnip and makeup and the like, and simply being fabulous for the UN Kitty and her fellow Kitties. The Consultant and his project manager felt a bit strange sitting amongst the mall while dining, but they had nothing to complain about when it came to the Strozza Duck, Parma ham and carbonara dishes, and their plates were practically licked clean!

Scorecard Time!
Tastiness: 10
Wallet Deprivation: 7
Atmospheric Considerations: 10
Service: 9
Pimp Your Ride: 10
Originality: 7
PETA-Friendly: 1
Are you on the Guestlist?: 6
Fix Up, Look Sharp: 2
Oppression of the Minority: 10

Result: 72 / 100

5. Lake House (Soi Prommitr in Sukhumvit Soi 39)

This house happens to be set on top of a large pond in the middle of the city, and used to be known as a private Gentleman's Club for politicians and the inner circle of poseurs known as the 'Royalists' (a Gentleman's Club in the form of a library and cigar room, not the OTHER kind which is more commonly referred to as a Lounge and features half naked girls paid by the hour to sit with you and pretend they're interested in anything other than your wallet). The European food served here is oddly out of sync with the settings, as the outdoor salas and turtles floating around in the pond seem more suited towards Asian and Thai food, but nevertheless the food is quite good.

Scorecard Time!
Tastiness: 8
Wallet Deprivation: 7
Atmospheric Considerations: 6
Service: 9
Pimp Your Ride: 10
Originality: 4
PETA-Friendly: 1
Are you on the Guestlist?: 7
Fix Up, Look Sharp: 4
Oppression of the Minority: 5

Result: 61 / 100

6. The Londoner Brew Pub (Basement Floor of UBCII Tower, Sukhumvit Soi 33)

OK So this isn't exactly new, but it merits discussion as it (rather surprisingly) isn't included in the Tatler list. Since high school days, it's been well-known for its "Wacky Wednesday" parties in which all drinks are '2-4-1' and food orders are subject to a 50% discount on Tuesdays. Beer connoisseurs might appreciate the pub's own brewed London Pride. Sports-lovers of all ages and genders enjoy the big screen TVs with all manner of football matches, tennis, F1 and so forth. Shame about the live band that tends to drown out the noise though. As for myself, I keep going back because of the spectacular steak & kidney pie and the chicken pie! I've also heard from the Consultant that they have an excellent Sunday roast dinner.

Scorecard Time!
Tastiness: 9
Wallet Deprivation: 7
Atmospheric Considerations: 8
Service: 9
Pimp Your Ride: 8
Originality: 9
PETA-Friendly: 7
Are you on the Guestlist?: 4
Fix Up, Look Sharp: 1
Oppression of the Minority: 4

Result: 66 / 100

7. Los Cabos (Sukhumvit Soi 14)

This is quite possibly the most cheerful looking restaurant I've ever entered as it is decorated in bright yellow, red and turquoise throughout. Otherwise (and excluding the excellent company of a long-lost friend that day) this restaurant seems quite mediocre in terms of flavours. The list of dishes offered were quite standard for Mexican restaurants. At least it wasn't too expensive!

*Beef taco and burrito with rice and beans. My favourite part was the Corona!

Scorecard Time!
Tastiness: 6
Wallet Deprivation: 6
Atmospheric Considerations: 5
Service: 4
Pimp Your Ride: 6
Originality: 8.5
PETA-Friendly: 5
Are you on the Guestlist?: 4
Fix Up, Look Sharp: 1
Oppression of the Minority: 3

Result: 47.5 / 100

8. Mugi Han (Sukhumvit Soi 39)

I can barely recall how to tell you how to find this place as it's so well hidden within the Soi. The fact that it was packed with local Japanese expats was a good sign. The Artist, who took us there, informed us that it is well renowned for its noodles such as soba and udon, and these certainly did not disappoint. What was more disappointing however was the fact that the waiter informed us of the unavailability of the special sashimi set, AFTER we'd ordered it and seen several other tables nearby being served this "unavailable set".


*Picture of the Artist, the Chicken Vet Spaniard, Biceps and I, courtesy of Chicken Vet Spaniard

Scorecard Time!
Tastiness: 10
Wallet Deprivation: 5
Atmospheric Considerations: 3
Service: 2
Pimp Your Ride: 5
Originality: 1
PETA-Friendly: 9
Are you on the Guestlist?: 7
Fix Up, Look Sharp: 1
Oppression of the Minority: 5

Result: 48 /100

9. Ramentei (Sukhumvit Soi 33/1)

This little gem in the middle of the Japanese district (basically, all of Sukhumvit road) never seems to have any non-Thais or non-Japanese people there, unless I bring them there myself. The king of small local restaurants known as the Artist introduced me to this ramen place three years ago, and I keep going back. The Consultant was thrilled and took his project manager there one week after I introduced him to Ramentei. Two bowls of piping hot noodles, two hot green teas and a plate of gyoza for less than 500THB? I'm so there and so are you!

*Which one would you rather: my Curry Ramen vs. the Consultant's Stirfry Vegetable Ramen?

Scorecard Time!
Tastiness: 10
Wallet Deprivation: 2.5
Atmospheric Considerations: 2
Service: 10
Pimp Your Ride: 6
Originality: 3
PETA-Friendly: 1
Are you on the Guestlist?: 1
Fix Up, Look Sharp: 1
Oppression of the Minority: 5

Result: 41.5 / 100

10. Sunrise Tacos (Sukhumvit Soi 12 next to Times Square)

It delivers tacos, burritos, chimichangas, fajitas, etc all of which are delicious, AND it's open 24 hours a day - aren't those enough reasons for this restaurant to be included in the Tatler list? I guess it might be classified as 'fast food' since there is a take-away counter, hence the reason why it's not included.

Scorecard Time!
Tastiness: 9
Wallet Deprivation: 6
Atmospheric Considerations: 2
Service: 4
Pimp Your Ride: 8
Originality: 8
PETA-Friendly: 1
Are you on the Guestlist?: 1
Fix Up, Look Sharp: 1
Oppression of the Minority: 5

Result: 45 / 100

11. The Seafood Bar (Ground Floor of Somerset Lake Place in Sukhumvit Soi 16)

This is the sister restaurant of the well-renowned Oyster Bar located in Soi Narathiwat Soi 24. I had the fortuitous occasion to dine here with Pitti Moon-Language even before its' official opening, as he had become acquainted with the owner of the Oyster Bar through his personal dining experiences. When we went to the Seafood Bar, the windows weren't even washed yet!

*Disney's "The Little Mermaid" seems to be missing one of its star actors....

*Grilled Barramundi with scallops and pumpkin puree

The seafood is fresh and much of it is imported from the US. One downfall - as you know, I am a dessert lover. The desserts here consist of yoghurt and raspberry (or possibly strawberry) sauce.. I felt that there should at least be an assortment of ice creams! However, that definitely won't stop me from going back to enjoy the delicious seafood.

Scorecard Time!
Tastiness: 10
Wallet Deprivation: 8
Atmospheric Considerations: 6
Service: 10
Pimp Your Ride: 8
Originality: 8
PETA-Friendly: 1
Are you on the Guestlist?: 3
Fix Up, Look Sharp: 3
Oppression of the Minority: 3

Result: 60 / 100

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"Constructive Criticism"

The Consultant has just pointed out a flaw in my scoring system with regards to Wallet Deprivation: a more expensive restaurant should not be a prerequisite for obtaining a higher score, as what is more important is the concept of 'Good Value for Money' or 'Getting your money's worth'. Since my mother likes to tell me that I don't know the value of money -and for once, I actually agree with her - it's highly questionable as to whether I am in any position to come up with a useful indicator of relative monetary indication of a restaurant's awesome-ness. However, I am inclined to agree with the Consultant on this issue so for subsequent restaurant reviews, the rating of "Wallet Deprivation" shall be as follows:

Excellent Value, well worth the spend (10) - Terrible Value, Poor Wallet, it feels raped (1)

What's in a Name?

.....Notoriety, for one, along with identity issues and inner turmoil on the whole "Who am I? What's my purpose in life?" subject.

I had a foggy brainwave at 6am this morning that perhaps I should avoid using the real names of my friends (or nemeses) for their protection and to save them any future embarrassment - who knows what crazy shenanigans of theirs I might write about?

So for the ease and entertainment of the reader, I will list and briefly describe some key figures which may appear in this blog using pseudonyms as follows:

• The Artist: Along with Biceps, the Hyperactive Chef and Princess Panda, we have known each other for over 10 years. Usually the last person to arrive at the dinner table (this role has now been taken over by me, since he relocated to China) and to finish any food remaining on others' plates.

• Biceps: When I look at him, all I see are his biceps. For real! A Thai advertising executive with a wonderful voice who doesn't eat spicy foods.

• The Chicken Vet Spaniard: He's a Spanish veterinarian specializing in poultry with seemingly endless amounts of energy for absolutely everything. The main object of his culinary (and female) obsession is all-things-Japanese.

• The Consultant (aka the Boyfriend): He's British, tall and loves stripes, as well as Liverpool FC. His present occupation is that of a senior telecoms consultant for one of the "Big 4". Drinks almost everything except sambuca and hates anything with aniseed flavours.

• The Dominatrix: Raised in New York but now suffocating under the rule of her traditionalist parents, she's my sister from another mister (and mother) who takes out her frustration by baking cupcake delights, knitting shawls and making fun of her boyfriend, the Wingman.

• The German: Another part of the live entertainment at the table whose skill is complaining about anything and everything loudly with a strong German accent. He makes excellent baguette sandwiches.

• The Hyperactive Chef: Small girl with unofficial diagnosis of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) imposed by her friends and recently opened a restaurant whose chief specialty is mussels.

• King Johnnie Walker Kong: Eurasian People-Connector with a knack for bringing people together through the modicum of alcohol, particularly whiskey or vodka (helped by his present occupation in Diageo).

• The Litigator: She's a lawyer in the daytime and opera performer at nighttime with a special skill for hosting crazy pool parties.

• The Luxury Yachter: Among other things, she sells luxury yachts and loves alcohol of any kind. Connoisseur of wines, and an expert at getting home safely despite having no memory of doing so.

• The Master: Taiwanese future CEO of a public company listed on the Thai stock exchange (disguised as a carpenter) who is usually the only guy who participates in Girls' Nights Out. A burger expert and a master on the barbecue.

• Pitti Moon-Language: Korean-Danish Enterpreneur who wishes he was Thai and pretends his real name is the Thai equivalent of this pseudonym. An excellent host, chef and connoisseur of all things gastronomic due to former work experience in hotel management and personal interest.

• Princess Panda: An only child of a French father and Thai mother who loves panda bears and has a keen eye for detail in restaurants due to former training in hotel management school, and chocolate desserts due to personal interest.

• The Radz One: The live entertainment at the table who makes us all laugh and keeps us amused with her "widely-eyed and constantly surprised at her own inappropriateness" face. Claims to have given up eating beef after going to Nepal or India, but no one is convinced, since she also said she quit smoking and I'm pretty sure she still does it...

• The Stalker: Don't get me wrong, this is an affectionate nickname. Out of everyone on the list, I'm sure he's eaten at more of Bangkok's Best Restaurants listed by Tatler than almost anyone else, with the exceptions of Pitti Moon-Language and UN Kitty.

• The Wingman: An expert on tea (with emphasis on chamomile tea) and loves to tell extremely silly jokes which for the benefit of the doubt, we all presume would be funnier in his native Dutch language.

• UN Kitty: She "works" for the UN but I suspect she spends more time shopping, looking and feeling glamorous, brunching, lunching, dining and generally being a socialite around the city of Bangkok - I'm SO envious.

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**Kindly note that this list may be amended from time to time, as friendships are added, renewed, discarded, forgotten or banned, depending on actual circumstances.

Self Dawning Realizations, Two Months Later

It's nearly the end of April and I haven't updated this blog pretty much since I started it. In the past few months, the following events inter alia has occurred:

A. MARATHON - ONGOING BATTLE BETWEEN TRAINING VS. SLACKING

Of course, I haven't been following the training programme strictly, due to conflicts in time and commitment with work, boyfriend, friends, more work.. I'm not Wonderwoman for goodness' sake.

For the first month however, I was quite strict with myself. Training was going very well and I hit all of the distances, did hill training and still had the time and energy to meet with friends for dinner afterwards. How? Because I am an idiot - I made the foolish mistake of thinking that all of the distances in my training schedule (noted previously) was in kilometres, when really the distances were listed in MILES. No wonder I thought marathon training was like a walk in the park!!

I am supposed to be able to run a half-marathon by now. [Insert expletive! Multiple!] The furthest distance I've run is still 15km in my whole life; and thus far in my training I have reached 13km. Mentally still confident that once I'm out there on the course on June 13, I will be able to go the whole distance... physically will I be ready? [Do not answer out loud!]

On the plus side, I have obtained some new gear. A lovely Christmas present received from the lovely Boyfriend presented itself in the form of Nike running shorts and fitted tank. With regards to Nike vs. Adidas gear, I have a definite preference for the former due to fit, size and support in the relevant areas.

*Comparing shoes with the Artist.

My friend, who I will refer to as "Nike-Nick", is going to run the the full marathon Phuket Laguna Marathon (and whose girlfriend will join us in the half-marathon event); he happens to work at Nike and very kindly gave me an "encouragement present" in the form of a pair of grey and purple Nike running shoes, seen on my right foot in the picture to the left! [Thank you very much, Nike-Nick :D] The new style of running shoe at the moment is a kind of revert back to basics, as they believe all the extra cushioning is not necessary and in fact could cause more damage to your knees when covering long distances. So this style of shoe seems quite hard but they've been serving me quite well.

The newer Nike models also have the Nike+ capabilility. The Nike+ technology allows you to insert a Nike+ chip into your shoe, which is synched with either a USB key in a wristband or an iPod Nano (either the wristband or iPod Nano must be purchased separately) to tell you certain information while you run, such as time you've spent running, distance, and calories burned. After you run, you can upload the data onto your computer and track your progress online on Nike's running website. I purchased a grey and pink wristband for myself back in January and didn't bother to install it at the time since I normally run on treadmills, which tells me all of the aforementioned information. Otherwise I am running with Chicken Vet Spaniard, who will continually update me on request as if he is the talking version of the wristband, haha.

All of this has caused me to conclude as follows: 1. I am low-tech, since I couldn't figure out how to sync the wristband; 2. Next time I buy a tech-toy-gadget, I'd better install it right away, because apparently the battery has died even before I started to use it?! 3. I need to moisturise more and/or invest in Vaseline to combat chafing around arms, thighs and lower back!

B. TATLER'S BEST RESTAURANTS IN BANGKOK - MENTALLY TERRIFIC BUT CALORIFICALLLY HORRIFIC?

Luckily I have been able to dine at some of Bangkok's top restaurants as listed by Tatler in the past few months, though not as many as I'd like. I've been too busy training for the marathon etc., as noted above, hahaha.

1. After You (Thonglor Si 13, La Villa Soi Aree, 5th Floor CentralWorld Mall)

I'll always remember the shocked expression of my expat American friend ("Syrup") when he asked me "You've never been to After You?!" No surprise, because the shibuya honey toast alone, for which this dessert restaurant is most famous is well worth the accolades and extensive queues to get a table. I wish I knew when was the best time to go there to beat a 20 minute queue but evidently there is no such thing - every single branch seems packed out to the max during any of its opening hours.

*Shibuya honey toast with peanut butter! Yummy!

I normally order a combination of shibuya toast, big soft cookie (with vanilla ice cream), and chocolate lava dessert. I have a theory that women actually physically NEED more dessert than men, because it seems that normally 1. the Boyfriend doesn't order dessert, and 2. I'm usually the one finishing my male friends' desserts! I also like the banana crumble with ice cream and custard (as seen on the right). The bananas fool your brain into thinking that you're eating something healthy, but the creamy richness of the custard and ice cream reminds you otherwise..

2. Aldo's (6th Floor, Ascott Hotel on Sathorn Road)

I've been to the morning brunch here a few times prior to 2010, as the set brunch menu is quite reasonable at THB550++ with the 20% discount (thanks Wingman!). The style is semi-buffet, semi a la carte: buffet for cold cuts, rolls, pastries, salad, smoked salmon and the like; a la carte for types of eggs, and the set menu also includes soup (although for some reason, you have to specifically dictate to the waiter/waitress that you WANT soup even though you've declared that you'd like the set menu).

The dinner menu is alright. The tuna tartare starter was decent though the general consensus on the "large" plate of cold cuts was that it had shrank from last years', which was denied by the staff. Food is better than mediocre - especially the "Wellness Salad" with its mixed greens, avocados, apples, cranberries! You feel like a healthy rabbit after eating that! The portions of pasta dishes seemed small but after tucking in I realized that they were the right size for a meal if you'd like to just feel satisfied as opposed to gorged-to-near-stomach-explosion.

In any case, who could possibly say no to a smiley-face melting chocolate dessert?

(It was pretty tasty, I especially liked the accompanying raspberry sorbet).

The best part of Aldo's is the relaxed atmosphere, helped in large by sitting in the open air next to their lovely blue swimming pool. I'm sure I will be going back there again for brunch, and hopefully I will even end up going for at least a dip in the pool afterwards - which I have told myself I will do several times!

*Here you can see the Artist enjoying the remains of his breakfast next to the pool and some weirdo named Red Lotus.

3. Another Hound (2nd Floor, Siam Paragon Mall)

Personally I would prefer to eat elsewhere, because 1. I'm not hugely keen on the strong flavours used in Thai food (such as holy basil) and 2. there isn't anything on the menu which is non-fusion. Having said that, the place itself is extremely chic with its black walls, funky glass chandeliers, and cool pictures on the walls. With the same drinks menu as at Greyhound Cafe I can at least indulge in my favourite fruit smoothies.

*Just use their brilliant picture menu like the Viking did to choose which dish looks most appealing.


*I love their chandeliers! Watch out for glasses falling on your head...

4. Angelina Paris (2nd Floor Central Chidlom Department Store)

This restaurant, located on the second floor of the department store, serves some French classics and Asian (Thai) contemporary food. I wasn't that impressed with the Asian dish I had - rice with seabass covered in crumbs and served with mango and tomato salsa - as the fish didn't have much flavour.

Go for the French every time. The calamari was ordinary but the Croque Monsieur and Croque Madame were extremely delicious, rich and comforting (though not exactly light in terms of calorie intake..). I am also in love with the signature hot chocolate!!

Eating in a shopping mall is for poseurs when the restaurant is located among the racks of clothes as opposed to a separately designated food court. But who cares? Definitely a good place to people watch and have a cup of awesome hot chocolate and afternoon cake.

*Happy girls looking relaxed and waiting for our bite to eat after a session of shopping at Central Chidlom :)

5. Beccofino (Thonglor Soi 4)

Along with Giusto and Zanotti, I would rate this as one of the top Italian restaurants of Bangkok. Upon the Chicken Vet Spaniard's hearty recommendation, I went there with the Boyfriend, the Boyfriend's parents, Pitti Moon-Language, his girlfriend and his son. Half of us chose the set dinner menu while others went for a la carte options. Every single dish on the table was a winner!

* Rocket Salad with Lobster *Steak

*Pasta with Foie Gras and Truffles *Tiramisu

6. Bei Otto (Sukhumvit Soi 20)

This is Bangkok's most famous German restaurant and has been around 1984! I am a huge fan of sausages and all things gastronomic from Germananic nations. This is somewhere to go with a group of friends, because you don't want to miss out on ordering one (or several) of their awesome ginormous platters.

*No words necessary... dig in!!

*I always have room for dessert... black forest cake anyone? No? Cherries aren't your thing? Good, I'm not sharing!

7. Calderazzo (Soi Langsuan)

Italian food is just everywhere in this city. How to choose? This one happened to be conveniently located next to The Consultant's condo. I’d actually eaten there two years ago with some married friends, and the Former-Prime-Minister-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named along with his family had just finished dining there as we’d arrived. Aside from that, the ambiance is very much “date atmosphere” and small intimate groups. Foodwise, the starters are excellent – fois gras on spinach and rocket with raspberry vinaigrette, and beef carpaccio were well presented and tasted delicious! The pastas were also pretty good and came in perfect portions so I still had room for a chocolatey dessert of some kind...

8. Chesa (Sukhumvit Soi 20)

The Consultant and I had spent our Gregorian New Year holidays in that lovely ski resort of Crans-Montana in Switzerland (along with Pitti Moon-Language, the Wingman and the Dominatrix), during which much of the time was spent eating Swiss delights such as fondue. Upon our return to the Kok, we decided to re-enact scenes from our culinary holiday and went to check out Chesa, which is basically the only Swiss restaurant that you can find around town (although recently, I did hear of another one in Bangkok - note to self: must check that out) and was opened in 2000. The Consultant and I shared the Neuenburger Käse Fondue, which is the original cheese fondue with a mixture of Gruyère and Emmental cheeses along with kirsch. For dipping, we had some bread and vegetables. General consensus was that while delicious, there was something missing in terms of 'oomph factor' - perhaps the cheese wasn't stinky enough? Or perhaps the "sexpats" at the neighbouring table stank more than the cheese?

9. Coffee Beans by Dao (Soi Ekkamai 12, 2nd Floor CentralWorld, Soi Mahatlek 1 Rajdamri Road)

I love this place. This could be called a fusion restaurant, but the flavours are more Western-homey than Another Hound Cafe (which is far more influenced by Asian flavourings), and so I can eat pretty much everything here. It is a hugely popular restaurant frequented by families, couples, groups of friends, as its' extensive and reasonably priced menu caters to a huge variety of tastes! I like the spaghettis (sun dried tomato, scallop, chili and garlic is a favourite), and the appetizers such as mini-burgers and mini-tacos are usually gone pretty quickly once they arrive on the table.

*My favourite time - dessert time - with the Consultant's Vanilla Crepe Cake, my Lemon Meringue Pie and the Chicken Vet Spaniard's Blueberry Cheesecake!

It would be a travesty if I didn't mention their famous cakes. One word: AWESOME. I could eat every single cake and pie in this shop! I'm pretty sure this is the number one reason why this place is packed every time I'm there. Horlicks' Malt Cake, Lemon Meringue Pie, Chocolate Devil Cake and Strawberry Shortcake are my favourites, but I really could eat any of the 20-something selection available! I'm getting hungry just writing about it now.

10. Contrazi (Soi Sukhumvit 11)

I went here for the first time with the Chicken Vet Spaniard, the Artist, the Radz One, the Master and the Hyperactive Chef one night on impulse, as it is within walking distance to one of our friends' homes and within walking distance to certain (in)famous nightclubs known as Bed Supperclub and Q-Bar.

*Contrazi Pasta

As often happens when with a group of people, we all over ordered. Luckily there was at least 1 person (the Artist, and the Radz One's boyfriend) who showed up late to eat all of our leftovers. The pasta was not bad in terms of flavour (though the noodles were more cooked than al dente requires).

*Lamb shank with truffle risotto

Unfortunately by the time that my main course (Lamb shank with risotto) arrived, I was already full from all of the pasta and salad that I'd had before! The few bites that I did manage - probably 3/4ths of the plate - were delicious though. The lamb was tender and the risotto was delightfully creamy and rich.

I've heard they have a good set Business Lunch available. If I ever happen to find myself in the city during a working day, I would definitely keep this as an option.

One disappointment however, was the level of service. The waiter took my order incorrectly and upon being told that it was not what we had ordered (as my order had been witnessed by all in the group), he attempted to argue with me, saying that I had forgotten what I'd ordered. Not a good impression = NO TIP!

11. Crepes & Co (Eight Building at Thonglor Soi 8, Soi Sukhumvit 12)

This creperie is the only restaurant of its' kind in Bangkok, and there's the additional surprise with Moroccan favourite dishes as well. The restaurant in Sukhumvit Soi 12 is always packed on weekends (avoid if you dislike children), so make sure you reserve a table at least one day in advance! The staff are polite and knowledgeable about the menu, and dress in stereotypical French-waiter costume (ok, so it's a bit kitsch, but I think it's cute). Despite their novelty, the savoury crepes leave something to be desired in terms of taste unless you add lots of tabasco... stick to the Moroccan food and sweet dessert crepes. Princess Panda even liked the nutella crepe, so you KNOW it's a winner.

*Nutella Crepe!

12. Crystal Jade (Erawan food court in basement, Siam Paragon Mall)

Quite possibly my favourite Chinese restaurant in Bangkok (with the exception of the Master's kitchen at home), it serves Cantonese dishes which I just keep eating and eating until it's all gone even though my boyfriend has long stopped and has started playing on his Blackberry due to boredom. Special mention goes to the egg fried rice - fluffy, eggy, onion-free and not very oily at all; stirfried green beans with minced pork - quite oily but tastes so good (I wonder if they use MSG? It really is THAT good); tofu with thousand year old egg; drunken chicken; unlimited chrysanthemum tea; and spicy noodles. You can tell I eat here often since I can recall more details of the individual dishes, compared to my notes on other restaurants... The range available at Siam Paragon is greater, since they do a full dimsum service there on Sundays (book ahead to avoid queues).

*1/2 Roast Duck

13. Erawan Tea Room (Erawan Mall)

A place to feel civilized, in the middle of the heat and the crowded shopping district. A small paradise in hectic downtown Bangkok. Need more metaphors? This is seriously a small corner of heaven in Bangkok. Their list of tea is longer than anywhere else around town, and their scones are authentic and WARM. One might think that a steaming pot of smoky Lapsang Souchong is a bizarre choice after toiling in the heat of Bangkok, but the coolness of the air-conditioning, combined with the professional staff in their Thai traditional dress and quiet music in the background certainly works wonders to make one feel ultra relaxed.

*Afternoon High Tea Set


*Scones with Chiang Mai Strawberry Jam, Clotted Cream and Lapsang Souchong Tea. Very civilised indeed!

Everything that you see in the picture, such as the silver tea set and Thai pottery plates, as well as other items such as pretty lacquer boxes, is available for sale in the Erawan Tea Room. Good souvenir potential for those pesky presents you need to buy people who you don't know very well..

14. Greyhound Cafe (J-Avenue at Thonglor Soi 15, Central Chidlom Department Store)

Greyhound is more than a place to eat European bistro favourites, Asian fusion classics and be seen. It is a brand of über trendy clothing for the young and supercool fashionistas (clearly not me, since the only thing I’ve ever wanted to purchase from the store was a silk t-shirt). Anyway, this is a favourite among locals and expats, for the simple reasons that it is 1. Conveniently located (you can eat, then shop), 2. The food is reasonably priced, and 3. There is something for everyone. Everyone who is ANYONE usually eats here about once a month, and it’s common to run into friends, friends of friends, and their lovely Chanel purses and/or fluffy lapdogs named Chanel.

*Ham and Cheese? YES PLEASE!


[Self-portrait photo courtesy of King Johnnie Walker Kong's camera, snapped when he was busy being a socialite on his Blackberry.]

I love their fruity smoothies. In this picture I was having a Passion Fashion - strawberry, passionfruit and mint. I am also hugely keen on the Pick You Up - pineapple, banana and lime. Yummy and makes me feel healthy even though I've just eaten a whole ham and cheese grilled sandwich with no leftovers..

15. Le Nôtre (Basement Floor Siam Paragon Mall and Natural Ville in Soi Langsuan)

I'm not sure if anyone goes there to eat the actual food served. I'm convinced that the savoury menu is more of an after-thought to their main objective, namely to offer delicious desserts and hot chocolate. In this case, the old saying "Less is More" should be adhered to, because their savoury offerings are not really worth mention, with the exception of the pumpkin soup.

16. L'Opera (Sukhumvit Soi 39)

This is a restaurant that has been around for several years - I remember going with friends when I was 16 (I'm not OLD yet but that's at least 10 years). The first time I drove past it I thought it was some kind of sketchy cinema featuring blue movies. Inside it reminds me of a big wine cellar, and the food is delicious, if on the slightly expensive side.

*For a starter: The Consultant opted for the healthy option of rocket salad, and I had the fantastically creamy aromatic truffle soup. MMMmm-mm! I don't know what the salad tasted like because it smelled less tasty than the truffle soup in front of me hahaha.
*Main course could easily be mistaken for some kind of nasty vomit, but in fact was an extremely tender lamb shank on the bone, on a bed of fragrant saffron risotto

17. Minibar Royale (Sukhumvit Soi 23 on ground floor of Citadines Residence)

This New-York style brasserie opened last year and has been hugely popular, not least for its lovely brunch offerings and unique cocktails. The service is TERRIBLE however - apart from their constantly surly faces, they tend to mix up orders, mix up bills and you usually have to repeatedly chase them to bring another bottle of water to the table. Luckily for them, the food is good enough to lure back repeat customers such as myself.

*Corned Beef Hash with Poached Eggs *Rosti with smoked salmon, creme fraiche and dill

*French Toast with Fruits, Ice Cream, Cream

18. Tapas (Sukhumvit Soi 11)

According to the Chicken Vet Spaniard, this is Bangkok’s top Spanish restaurant and the food is just the way his Mummy makes it. Who am I to argue with that? The list of tapas and wines is extensive and while I can’t vouche for his Mummy’s cooking, I can definitely affirm that at Tapas, EVERYTHING really does taste delicious – otherwise I wouldn’t keep coming back! *Ready for the seafood paella!

*What meal would be complete without dessert? Time for Flan!

*I didn't eat all of those by myself, I promise..

19. Trader Vic's (The Marriott Resort and Spa, Charoennakorn Road)

The cuisine is touted as Pacific Rim, which consists of a lot of barbecued meat and pineapple flavour (consistent with the stereotype...no? Was that politically incorrect?) This restaurant is more famous however for their Sunday brunch spread, which is definitely one of the best in Bangkok and worth the trek crossing the Chao Phraya river. The set brunch is either ++1599THB (including beer and cocktails) or ++1899THB (includes beer, cocktails and wine). A morning of unlimited Bloody Mary cocktails, unlimited fois gras, caviar, roast lamb, steak, fresh Fin de Clair oysters, unlimited what-ever-your-heart-and-stomach-desires is a morning well spent, and an afternoon well digested.

*Melting chocolate tower! Unlimited fruits!! Omg!

One teensy complaint: no marshmallows or cake for dipping in the chocolate fondue tower?!


After listing all of the above I realise I have actually lunched/dined in more places than I had reckoned, thus rendering me closer to my goal without me realizing it. Hurrah!

----------------------------------------------------

The culmination in both A and B has resulted in:

1. Overall weight gain 5 kilograms
2. Increased circumference of each upper thighs by approximately half an inch
3. Decreased circumference of waist by approximately 2-3 inches
4. No difference to daily fluctuation of 'Bat-Wing' arm syndrome
5. Drastic reduction in alcohol intake from a previous estimated at 30 units/week to a current 2 units/week
6. Reduction in cigarette intake from a previous estimated 3-5 packs/week to a current 1 pack/week
7. Terrible blisters and accumulation of dead skin cells on my feet (sorry, very gross I know). I am going to treat myself to a very exclusive and deluxe pedicure a few weeks after I finish the race, for sure!
8. Chafing scars on inner thighs, arms and lower back
9. Depletion of overall financial resources on the part of me, my boyfriend (in particular), and any friends who participate in the 'Tatler Restaurant Goal'

It's unclear whether I have more energy for running due to cutting down on alcohol and more sleep, or whether the running makes me more sleepy and feel less desire to drink. Either way, my overall health must be improving!